Is it too late for you?
Lessons from the Desert
You know the tall cylindrical cactus with the sausage-like arms bent in near 90-degree angles? They're the quintessential cactus, the one we all picture when someone even mentions “cactus”. Those tree-tall spikey plants are native to the Sonoran Desert and are the symbol of the American Southwest. They're called Saguaro and they pretty much only grow in the desert region spanning Arizona, California and Mexico. I never thought much about them until a family vacation to Scottsdale in 2016.
Besides the burgeoning woes of perimenopause and all the change happening in me, to me and around me, I just felt unsettled. Life wasn't what I'd expected it to be and I hadn't done the things I thought I would by this age.
Was this really all that there was for me? Truly, I was trying on all the hats, trying to do all the things to make my life more meaningful. In the last year, God had been pruning all that dead wood off so I could bloom again. I'd given up writing, my Avon business, friends, ministry endeavors and I didn't feel like I had much left besides homeschooling and being a leader in the homeschool community, two things I loved and knew God had called me to do. But I still felt useless. Old. Purpose-less. Stunted.
It felt like I was supposed to be doing something and doing it well. Like I was supposed to be contributing something and leaving a mark on the world. In my mind, I wasn't enough and because I was “middle-age” my time to “make something of myself” was running out.
I felt more like a flower wilting on a vine than a vine waiting to bloom.
Then we went on a Segway tour out in the desert. Before taking off down the “trails” through the cactus-filled desert, we had to learn to ride these two wheel, intuitive scooters. I’ve driven ATVs and trailbikes and ridden on motorcycles, so I didn’t expect it to be so...so...intimidating. They show you how to get on, how to move forward, how to reverse, how to stop and turn and then comes the ultimate test: hills. You have to have enough momentum forward to get up the steep grade but then you have to stop quickly – and without falling off – so you don’t shoot off the cliff and plummet to your death.
Looking back, I realize this exercise was really an object lesson for my life at the time. I was often careening forward and screeching to a stop, feeling both invincible and completely out-of-control all at once. Plus, I had serious analysis paralysis both in my everyday life and apparently while trying to ride a segway.
I was practicing – struggling, really – as I was waiting my turn with “the hill” and just couldn’t seem to wrap my brain around how to complete this task. How do I get myself and this expensive scooter up this hill without killing myself, breaking the machine or making an utter fool of myself? The hill wasn’t the only struggle. I really felt out of my element on the Segway and like I had very little control at all. This, apparently, was a problem for me.
One of the guides was watching my “practice”. She was probably in her mid-50s and completely at home in her skin.
“Are you always so in your head about things?” she called out.
“What?!”
“I mean, do you always over-analyze things?”
Until that moment, I hadn’t realized that’s what I was doing or that was what I always did. It was truly a light bulb moment.
“I guess. I just can’t figure it out. And I’m scared.” She listened to my explanation about having broken my ankle and wanting to challenge myself in new ways, nodding politely as I made excuses for my analysis paralysis.
“Not everything is meant to be figured out. Sometimes you just have to feel it. Relax and think of the machine as an extension of your body.”
That was all I needed I guess, because I aced the “hill test” and we were on our way. It wasn’t long before I felt completely at ease on the Segway and was soon racing ahead of the group, leaving my husband, sister and her now husband in the dust. Both the guide and my sister commented on how I’d “gotten it” and seemingly had no fear. I felt triumphant.
At one of our stops, that same guide pointed to a Saguaro and said they were a symbol of resilience. She told us how they are slow growers that live over 100 years without a single bloom until it's at least 30 years old. And its arms? Those don't start growing until it's closer to 60! Those barrel-like arms aren't just for looks; they are important water storage for long droughts common in the desert.
I can tell you right now that those peri-menopause years are the biggest drought of...well, everything.
It turned out I wasn't too old to bloom. I wasn't too old to find my purpose and live it out. Life had not passed me by, my blooming years were still ahead of me. It just wasn't my time yet.
The thing about aging and feeling “too old” is that the actual number doesn't matter.
A 40-something woman wandering around an empty nest wondering what comes next, a 30-something whose biological clock is pounding in her ears and the 20-something waiting not so patiently for her prince to come all have one thing in common: they think they're just too old. They feel overlooked, unseen, and “past their prime” for any good thing to come their way. And they’re tired of waiting.
But the Saguaro tells us that's not the case. When we bloom is not as important as how we wait.
Can you relate? Do you sometimes feel like life has passed you by? Wonder who you are or what your purpose is? Do you maybe mask yourseelf with a title that just doesn't seem to fit any more?
Then I want to invite you to UnMasked!
You do NOT want to miss this morning of reflection, creative expression and time with God and others. My dear friend Alicia Broxmeyer and I are collaborating to bring you Unmasked the Mini-Retreat for Women. We will explore the false identities -- aka masks -- we wear and the lies we believe about who we are. And through guided reflection, we will come face-to-face with who God made us to be. Women ages 16+ are invited to join us for this beautiful morning.
Ticket Prices Go Up to $40 on October 16!
Come Away with Me Workshop -- it's FREE!
Using the "Come Away With Me" Personal Retreat Guide, Kristy will step you through a seasonal re-set to help you transition from the summer sizzle and into autumn release.
Three short video workshops will step you through:
Rest is more than doing nothing
Letting go of "more"
Setting life-giving rhythms and routines
The videos are pre-recorded so you can watch them any time!
Comments